Day 5 of BDWk

Thursday... a little shopping, a lot of sleep, catching up on podcasts (last 2 Dollhouse Cast eps are epic!), and eating fancy ramen. There we go.

A week of food, relaxation, ignoring real life, and sobbing (which I don't want to get into, but sufficed to say, if you are not parentless & an only child you don't understand the searing pain and loneliness. there are all kinds of pain I can't understand such as being abandoned by a parent or being widowed. but my personal brokenness is a bitch. And it hurts worse this time of year because of my birthday, because I lost a treasured friend earlier last month, and because it's always with me. I love my birthday. But it's hard to love a day that drives home the fact that the people who birthed me are no longer there. Hell, my mom's OBGYN is dead now too. No one is left to remember my birth or me as a child in our 3-person family unit. And that is an aching pain.)

did you know I share my birthday with the guy who played Ethan Rayne on Buffy? And I share birthday week with George A. Romero born Feb 4th (and apparently, according tonights' 30 Rock, Jenna). wacky Aquarian fun.

Dear television:

I'm never been a big fan of angels. (Partially because birds freak me out & partially because my mother watched Touched by an Angel. Yikes). But watching this week's Demons on BBCA, where this kid thinks she sees angels it occurs to me that there's a lot more that TV did to freak me about Angels.

• Angel. 'nuff said. (you guessed it, I'm a Spuffy)
• Of course the beloved Dr. Who episode Blink

And of course good old Warren, but I guess that's more comics and my inherent bent towards class warfare more than tv... but I think he appeared on the animated show and let's face it, he's no Gambit. Oh poor rich boy... you're so conflicted... (yes, I have the same issue with Wolverine occasionally. Give me a rags to riches or thief story any day).

So in conclusion: Angels are laaame.

Unexpectedly Emo in the New Year

I'm jealous of my friends with parents, with siblings, with families. So many of them are relying on their parents financially or are returning home to live (due to finances, life-crap, or finishing school). I don't have that option. There's nowhere to go. And then I get all teary and angry at myself. It's stupid. But awful-feeling.

Especially because right now nothing feels right. I need to find a job (you know, so I can keep eating and go to DragonCon this year). I'm over-educated with no drive, no spark, no life in my life (to quote a Sondheim song). Lately everything feels as Buffy described it when she came back from the dead the second time--bright and harsh. Uncomfortable, surprising, mean, and just plain awful. Where you want to curl up in a hole and die (sounds good if I didn't like my stuff so much--dumb I know-- and am so psyched about Leverage and Doctor Who).

I think that's why I like BTVS season six so much. It's where I am right now. Just as the Doctor spoke to me during my year at home because I understood what it was like being the last of a people. Maybe not the last of the time lords (who turned out to be bastards anyway) but alone in a rather frightening universe, unable to love people the way you wish you could.

Re-watching Buffy season 7:

Anya has all the best lines:

"I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?"

"Upside down and half-way to happy land."

I get that Dawn is "part of" Buffy and that she is physically a person and everyone has memories of her, but don't you just go "You're not real! You're a fucking energy-key!" sometimes? The whole Dawn thing just still doesn't sit right. Maybe it's cos I'm an only child??

In "Conversations with Dead People" the First channeling the suicide girl channeling Tara (supposedly) warns Willow that she's going to destroy everyone. Is this wacky foreshadowing for the future Buffy sees in the comics? Am I reading too much into this? I think not. Let's face it--Willow's destiny is pretty on track so far.

*Nov. 11 addition: rewatching s7 I think I'm more okay with the whole Dawn + Xander thing. Look at the way he talks to her, or how she hugs him when he returns with one eye... it's sweet. She's grown up and he's the only one who sees it (and kind of Giles).

Happiness in the whedonverse

Buffyfest issued a joking-ish list of 'happy' times in the Whedonverse.
I beg to differ--there are some profoundly happy moments in Joss' shows. And in response I offer this list, which came to me in the middle of the night:

Happy Moments in the Whedonverse

• Tara and Willow so happy dancing that they float off the floor (in Family, I believe). Sure we all know (now) their miserable fate, but it's a transcendentally beautiful moment.
• As is Tara and Willow singing in OMWF (though, admittedly, Tara is under a spell)
• Zoe and Wash in bed discussing Zoe's death. Adorableness.
• Inara and Mal enjoying a cup of 'engine wine' at the end of Shindig.
  
• The whole crew of Serenity eating dinner together like a happy (if slightly dysfunctional) family at the end of Safe.

Almost-could-be-considered-Happy:

• Anya all adorable pre-wedding (though we know how that turned out...)
• Fred. In general, but especially when she got all excited about tacos. She was such a spark of happy in the dark show.
• Spike's sacrifice at the end of Buffy season 7. He's ready to go and seems happy (kind of) to give up his life (so he thinks). And it's just so fitting it's almost happy.
• Can I count the 'We are as gods' fantasy? Please? It makes me happy every time.
  

Geekness & Season Six

From a conversation with LJ earlier today:
"If Buffy season 6 is your happy place you are seriously twisted."
I tried to explain (as I do often, as a s6 apologist) that s6 has everything I love: Spike, Clem, Once More With Feeling!, Tara, Tabla Rasa... it's excellence is highly overlooked.
Let's just admit it: I love Clem. The bugle taste-test? Parcheesi? Count me in.

LJ and I have been having a 'geek off' all this year and most of last. It started as a joke and has turned into... I'm not quite sure what.
Mostly it consists of us flaunting geek cred to each other, whether it be in sheer number of dvds, t-shirts, bizarre trivia, etc.
A quite memorable round of 'How Geek are you right this second?' went to me with: kaylee hair buns, dinosaur earrings, writing a grocery list with my Sonic Screwdriver, wearing a Back to the Future shirt, all while watching Carl Sagan's Cosmos.
Beat that.