Unexpectedly Emo in the New Year

I'm jealous of my friends with parents, with siblings, with families. So many of them are relying on their parents financially or are returning home to live (due to finances, life-crap, or finishing school). I don't have that option. There's nowhere to go. And then I get all teary and angry at myself. It's stupid. But awful-feeling.

Especially because right now nothing feels right. I need to find a job (you know, so I can keep eating and go to DragonCon this year). I'm over-educated with no drive, no spark, no life in my life (to quote a Sondheim song). Lately everything feels as Buffy described it when she came back from the dead the second time--bright and harsh. Uncomfortable, surprising, mean, and just plain awful. Where you want to curl up in a hole and die (sounds good if I didn't like my stuff so much--dumb I know-- and am so psyched about Leverage and Doctor Who).

I think that's why I like BTVS season six so much. It's where I am right now. Just as the Doctor spoke to me during my year at home because I understood what it was like being the last of a people. Maybe not the last of the time lords (who turned out to be bastards anyway) but alone in a rather frightening universe, unable to love people the way you wish you could.